That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
