I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
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He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
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Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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