I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
