So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
