help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
