Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
30+ People Share Their Worst ‘Intimate Experience’ And They’re Traumatizing
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic