I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone