My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife