life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.