I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
