I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
