There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
