Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Randomize
