I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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