So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Randomize
