Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
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the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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