so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Why are your pants in the freezer?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
