Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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