did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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