I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
