You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
