He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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