i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
