OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
do nipples grow back?
Randomize