why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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