somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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