Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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