so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
