Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
How external is "for external use only"?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
