I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Randomize
