OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
