Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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