I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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