And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
