Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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