First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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