I'm going to jail i love you
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
