He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
