Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
