You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
