Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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