Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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