What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
