I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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