I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
