You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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