so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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