I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
my god I love twenty year old dicks
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
