I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
You can't motorboat a personality
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
