found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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