He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
