im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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