its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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