She said her name was "party"
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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