tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
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In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
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Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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