I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
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