Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
