if you like me you must not know who I am
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
