You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
