sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Randomize
