apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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