Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
