he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
