the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
