just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
