Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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