I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
