Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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