For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
