you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
