I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
