i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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