He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
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