I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
