At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
