You were right. It hurts to walk today.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
