Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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