then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
