Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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