3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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