I just saw a hot homeless man
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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