I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
