so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
