You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
