weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
